WHAT DOES A SLIME BAG LOOK LIKE?

This week has been sloooow.  It has been sooooo slooooow that we have been doing a great deal of second guessing.  Though Alina has received rave reviews from the casting director whom she took a 3 day intensive class with, and she has received plenty of support from agents and coaches there really must be nothing going on because not a call for an audition has come in.

So, in the hopes of finding some sort of opportunity as an extra, Alina signed up for LAcastingnetwork.com.  Casting Network is something her agent in Chicago uses as a resource, but when in LA, one must sign up for their LA network because, well, this is LA.

I should have known something was different about the LA version when Alina's agent here had never heard of it.  Given that I receive daily notifications about cool stuff happening on the east coast, and sometimes cool stuff happening in Chicago, I couldn't imagine that we wouldn't also receive notifications about cool stuff happening here too.

Well. Folks.  Rather than describe what I am receiving in my email, I thought I'd just share a rough sampling of the kinds of opportunities that LA Casting Network has sent me today.  I must repeat that this DID NOT come from Alina's agent.  NO IT DID NOT!

Here goes.  Here's a mild one:

RUSH CALL! LET'S BE COPS is looking for a SMOKIN' HOT GIRL to work tonight, THURSDAY - JULY 25 in HOLLYWOOD. Call time is 8:00 PM. UNION or NON UNION welcome.


And here's another:

Role Role Type Gender/Age/Ethnicities Description/Note Prostitute #1 Background Female / 18 to 25 / All Ethnicities Girl number 1 : She is a prostitute trying to impress her next potential client. Prostitute #2 Background Female / 18 to 21 / All Ethnicities Girl number 1 : She is a prostitute trying to impress her next potential client. She is using sexual gestures and to impress a man that she wants to have sex with while wearing lingerie Prostitute #3 Background Female / 18 to 25 / All Ethnicities She is using sexual gestures and to impress a man that she wants to have sex with while wearing lingerie

And:

Female talent

Principal

Female / 18 to 25 / All Ethnicities

You are the fem fatale. Sexy, seductive, with a nice body for a swimming scene. This role requires two scenes which might require to two days of shooting. You flirt with a man until his guard is down, and then rob him at gunpoint. After he gives you his money you escape with the musician—your real lover. The other scene has this role slipping out of her dress, leaving on just her bra and underwear as she makes a dive into the pool. She gets out of the pool and goes over to hug the musician who's looking into the bag. *PLEASE READ CAREFULLY AND ONLY SUBMIT IF YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH THE CONTENT*

This last one I find interesting because whoever posted it is clearly frustrated that he is not getting submissions from women who are beautiful enough for his liking:

submit share	GORGEOUS RED HEAD OR BLONDE / Non-Union / Principal / Female / Caucasian / 15-30 Funny, bombshell red-head OR blonde for best friend. ONLY SUBMIT REDHEADS OR BLONDES PLEASE. Think Kate Upton, Charlize Theron, Britney Spears w red or blonde hair. MUST BE EXQUISITE. Please don't waste my time - thin, petite, small noses, beautiful smiles. BEAUTIFUL, STUNNING. Rate: $300/day
Role Added 7/25/2013 4:09 PM

submit share

STUNNING BRUNETTE INGENUE / Non-Union / Principal / Female / Caucasian / 17-25 This is a young woman with courage, brains and wits, but she has a lovable, vulnerable, innocent side to her. She can, however, make men crazy. For the look, think young Angelina Jolie, Kristen Stewart, Demi Lovato, Mila Kunis, young Elizabeth Taylor. She must be breathtakingly beautiful. Brunette, blue eyes, fair skin preferable. Petite-medium build. *UPDATE-I have received 500+ submissions for this. Please be realistic. BRUNETTE ONLY, will not consider other hair colors. Will consider other eye colors. Be BEAUTIFUL, small nose, bright eyes, beautiful straight white smile. Caucasian. STUNNING. I am looking for a face that could be on a Guess ad, so please be realistic.* Rate: $300/day

So be careful if you think you might possibly be Guess ad material, because if this guy doesn't agree, you have wasted his time and ticked him off too.

I'll tell you, I've never been more happy about Disney and Nickelodeon auditions.  Roll them on in!  That stuff is NOT what we came here for, and hopefully in her future, she will have some better opportunities than what I see above.

So tomorrow, I'm going to see if we can go volunteer at a soup kitchen.  Let's keep it real people.